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---------------------------- 2207 - How To Give A Zoey a Pill:
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- I needed to write down the experience to help anyone next time. Zoey is a 10 pound Havanese 1 year old. Molly is a Golden Retriever, 8 years old. I give up.
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- 1. Pick up Zoey and cradle her in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of Zoey's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As Zoey opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow Zoey to close mouth and swallow.
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- 2. Retrieve pill from floor and Zoey from behind sofa. Cradle Zoey in left arm and repeat process.
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- 3. Retrieve Zoey from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
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- 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle Zoey in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
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- 5. Retrieve pill from bathroom floor and Zoey from top of stairs. Call Kathy from garden.
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- 6. Kneel on floor with Zoey wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by an angry dog. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub Zoey's throat vigorously.
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- 7. Retrieve Zoey from upstairs bedroom, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and clean up the den. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
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- 8. Wrap Zoey in large towel and get spouse to lie on Zoey with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
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- 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
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- 10 . Retrieve Zoey from shed in the backyard.. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place Zoey in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
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- 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
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- 12. Call fire department to retrieve the Zoey from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid Zoey‘s speedy escape.. Take last pill from foil wrap.
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- 13. Tie the little devil's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by small piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 cups of water down throat to wash pill down.
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- 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table to replace one that is so badly scratched.
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- 15 . Arrange for vet visit. And, pay whatever it costs to give Zoey her pills. I give up.
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- December 12, 2018.
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----- Comments appreciated and Pass it on to whomever is interested. ----
--- Some reviews are at: -------------- http://jdetrick.blogspot.com -----
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--- to: ------ jamesdetrick@comcast.net ------ “Jim Detrick” -----------
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--------------------- Wednesday, December 12, 2018 -------------------------
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